Last Thursday, Tim Tebow visited Florida’s State Capitol, immediately laughing at the irony that Florida, so aptly dubbed by Homer Simpson as "America’s Wang” has a phallic capitol building. He, like everyone else, was less impressed when finding out that it’s never been laid, even by that slutty Atlanta capitol in a red blouse and skin tight black pants. Should’ve grown your hair out like you don't care Florida Capitol!
We'll be gentle Georgia - Now come give America's Wang's Wang some love!
Tebow was there to be honored by the Florida Senate and Florida House of Representatives for his achievements on and off the field. But who are we fucking kidding, mostly on the field. Not a single elected official could tell you how many Philippine orphans he’s helped, but they’ll regurgitate rushing and passing numbers like stat boy wannabes. The Senate and House each passed a resolution recognizing the quarterback’s off-field and on-field achievements. Taking infatuation a step further, the Florida Senate bestowed a Medallion of Excellence to the rising Junior, the highest honor the chamber can award. What? No Magic Orb of Preeminence? No Crown of Superiority? Seriously, Tebow has a Heisman trophy. He’ll be doing the Medallion of Excellence a favor if he even displays it on the same shelf as his James E. Sullivan award. Google it. I bet it takes you ten pages to find another recipient of the prestigious award. You would think they created the award just to give it to Tebow, but alas, they did present one to Barrington Irving this month also. Who’s that you say; a stellar wide-out for FSU? Nope, only the youngest person and the first black pilot to fly around the planet solo. Jeez, culture up Gator fan. Besides, FSU wide-outs are lucky to find the planet on a chart of the solar system. It used to be a lot easier when 3rd Rock from the Sun was still on the air.
Florida State Astronomy 101
It was a good day overall. Tebow added to his numerous accolades, kept up his 66% pass completion percentage because Speaker Marco Rubio could only catch 2 of 3, and hung out with Governor Charlie Crist in the office he shall one day occupy. He also got to announce to the world “I’m not afraid to be high profile and own one damn suit.” Kudos Tim. Dance to the beat of your own style drum. You’re in college and can spend money on much better things. ::cough:: beer ::cough:: Just drop by Men’s Warehouse before the 2010 draft.
Tim Tebow: Has an "Award Suit," but a smaller dry cleaning bill than you! Sucka.
- Gator Head Funnel