Aug
28
Written by:
Gator Head Funnel
8/28/2008 12:22 PM
Dear Marisa,
I know you've been dubbed the most beautiful woman on the planet by Maxim magazine, but baby, honey pot, my sweet, sweet merkintile love bank…It’s over. College Football is upon us. I know you’re disappointed, but it’s time for rivalries and upsets, co-eds and beer, controversies and camaraderie, Tebow and every college player not named Tebow. Saturdays are once again the most important day of the week and there’s really nothing you can do to sway that beautiful.
I love how you never forget to cup the ball, but I’m standing awfully firm on this one. Baseball season is over. Period. It ends the moment some 19/20 year old former soccer player plants his shiny new cleat on the backside of a Nike pigskin. Besides, I’d rather have to listen to the National Anthem sung by Roseanne Barr and see naked pictures of Roseanne Barr John Goodman than see another fucking web gem on ESPN. It's that bad.
Sure, I might tune in to see if the Cubbies can win the World Series, but that’s because I find century long stories involving goats to be quite interesting.
What’s that? You say Chinese Democracy is finally coming out? Oh, you tease! I know how Axl Rose makes you long for oral sex, but when I say that nothing can take my focus off of the season, I mean it…even an album ten plus years in the making. Good try though.
NBA? WTF? Ok, now I know you’re just reaching around for anything to stimulate me away from humid September afternoons in the Swamp, thousands of rabid fans, smoked meat and funneling beer out of a giant Gator head.
Wow, this is your best proposition yet, but only because you know my affinity for getting drunk and screwing. Still won’t work though. Frankly, I wouldn’t want Jimmy there anyway since I don’t know where mine is gonna go when the volcano blows. Plus, your friend Brooklyn should know better despite the fact that her brand of football is that lesser Sunday afternoon kind.
PS. I’m willing to go with what you had in mind around mid-January. Unless it’s music…Don’t bring Jimmy.
G'N'R...Jimmy Buffet...iPods...Wow, you sure do love music babe. Me too. But I love College Football more. The only music I wanna hear is the Orange & Blue, the Jaws intro, or We Are the Boys.
Ok, you got me! You win. Those Cocks in Columbia take a back seat to those with an invite to your back seat.
You’ve got til 12:30 pm Saturday…then I’m serious.
Tags:
2 comments so far...
Re: Time to put your women away...
Well done Sir, but, I taut I taw a booby cap. Wait for it... I did, I did.
By saltygator on
8/28/2008 8:26 PM
|
Re: Time to put your women away...
Can't we just invite her to the SAFE ROOM?
By BarryUgator on
9/4/2008 3:08 PM
|