You bitches thought I was gone. And you know what? You were right, for about three seconds. (That's what she said.) I let you keep thinking it through the first week of the season. Let's face it, the first few weeks suck. We love them only because it's been nine long-ass months since we've had college football, but in reality they suck, filled with games that might look like they could be ok, but really aren't. USCw-UVA? Sucked. LSU-App. St.? Sucked. USCe-NC State. Holy God, sucked monkey balls. Seriously, anyone who watched that game and then saw USCe show up in the Top 25 is now convinced that people are irrepressible idiots destined to blow themselves up in a freak incident involving Big Blue, Dubya and a pack of Twizzlers.
But anyhoo, it's now getting to the second week, so I decided to bust out the whooping stick on your ears again. We'll get to this weekend soon enough, but for now it's enough to know that football's back in a few hours- at least as much as USCe-Vandy should be considered a game. But let me be the first to tell you that notwithstanding the obvious move of benching Beecher and starting Smelley, USCe will yet again find their stint in the Top 25 cut short by a Vandy team that scares the bejeezus out of me even in September. Seeing Vandy coming at you out of the chute is like seeing Amy Winehouse coming at you on the sidewalk. You aren't scared that she can take you, but she could stab you with an infected needle, thus scarring you for life. I was going to insert a photo here, but decided against it because I never want to see either Amy Winehouse or Vandy ever again. But I do like gratuitous pics, so here's everyone's favorite unemployed (until the end of the Open) tennis star.
Where the white women at? /Chris Rainey'd
(Oh yeah, Chris Rainey would steal your women. But he won't. Because Jeff Demps got there first.)