Escuhame suck bags from Tennessee!
The Caiman del Pantano remembers last year very well. Tony Joiner said we were gonna go to su casa and take your cheese to make a gigantic sandwich. We’re are forever grateful you let us, because the team plane was out of those little bags of peanuts and our D-linemen were really hungry from keeping you to negative 11 yards rushing. It was so delicious and filling that Marcus Thomas didn’t get the munchies until the following Wednesday.
Tony Joiner - Stealer of Tennessee Cheese and Tebow Kisses - and Fuck You, yeah you, the one who just made the gay comment. Cause Tony stole your mom's cheese. And her cherry.
Yes, yes, you thought you were going to come in and steal our cheese and repay our delightful thievery this year. But like the Caiman, NO ONE STEALS FROM THE GATORS!!!!!!!!!
DISCLAIMER: Caiman del Pantano does not approve of theft or stealing, unless it involves children; children and cups OR cups and children. DO YOU HEAR ME LITTLE NINOS, I’M COMING FOR YOU AND YOUR SOUVENIR GATOR CUPS ON 9/25!!!!!!
HAHAHA! You backwoods redneck Appalachian jokers, you couldn’t even work our fridge, nonetheless find our cheese. By the way, it’s in the drawer with the bacon and lunchmeat. What’s that you say, you don’t even have drawers in your fridge? You only got an ice bin from the Piggly Wiggly that you stole back in 1987 stuffed full of raccoon meat and covered in dried up deer blood? Than I must say this: I’m impressed Tony Joiner was able to find any cheese at all last year.
Knoxville Piggly Wigglys, barren of ice since the late 80's.
This year, we don’t even have to look for cheese. Our Ohio State University, which we happen to own, takes cheese from Wisconsin University, which they happen to own, and hand delivers it to the Swamp as part of their obligation to the reigning champs of their existence in NCAA athletics. HAHA Suckeyes! Greg Oden and Troy Smith es muy suxorz!
But let me put Saturday in perspective:
Gators play like bloodthirsty luchadors. Volunteers play like, well, volunteers. The kind of volunteers that come in and scrub blood and spit off wrestling mat every Tuesday morning. They useless, like you Tennessee Volunteers. Your defense was more wide open than the Chiapas border to Guatamala. You Americans hate us? Try having Guats flood your country looking for a better life. Shit flow down hill for a reason Senor...yours to us…ours to them…them down the rest of the world toilet drain better known as Central America. HAHA, I kid. Panama Canal es pretty importante I guess.
59 to 20. What else can I say. It’s like the Gators were Gummi Bears with their advanced technologies and gummi-beary juice, and the Vols were slow, un-athletic humans from Tennessee. Wait, instead of Gummi Bears, the Gators were more like Ninjas with rocket jet-packs but still gummi-beary juice. Cause that shit was probably just vodka, fruit punch Gatorade and cocaine. Tennessee though…still slow, un-athletic humans from Tennessee.
All ninjas with jet-packs are bigger than He-Man and the Heisman.
That game was an ass-kicking. The kind the Caiman likes to deliver, first-rate, overnight, guaranteed! HAHAHA!!!!!
The Gators have my attention now scoring 55 points/game through their first 3 tests. So they better get ready for the hype train, because they no longer fly under the national radar. Well, maybe Mexico’s national radar. We can’t tell the difference between ICBMs and kids with kites. HA, our military is to defense what 2007 Notre Dame is to offense – non existent.
OK, Ole Miss next week. The Caiman knows that the Gators have not won in the state of Mississippi since 1994 and its time for a change. TIME FOR A CHANGEEEEEEEE!!!!!! HAHA, sounds like Caiman del Pantano could run for office down here on the Yucatan!
Later Gators! I AM THE GREATEST RHYMING LUCHADOR! I BET YOU HAD NEVER EVER HEARD THAT ONE IN GATOR NATION. AGAIN, I AM SO GREAT!
Ol' Reb, I'm very much looking forward to gnawing off your mascot flesh this weekend! Also, the Caiman challenges Coach O to a cage match in Oaxaca after his impending firing this December. Oh, I demand the cage must be on fire!
~~ Caiman del Pantano