SaltyGator

Holy Crap, another year at this age really adds up

saltygator@saferoomgatorclub.com — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 00:47:00 GMT

It all started while I was throwing the keg in the truck... Some dude offered to help me, not in the "We are badass beer drinkin' brothers" mode, but more of a "hey pops, you need help gettin' to the blue parkin' space" mode. Now three days into the 5 day college football opening I'm looking around me and the only other sucker standing is that keg of Miller Lite. Of course, we killed the keg of Coors Lite ( my preferred libation), but all things considered, the SafeRoom regulars fell out early. The old man is still hanging, and Monday Night College Football, could redefine how I arrange my week.

P.S. I hope my liver doesn't expect the same break it get's after bowl season.

Gator Head Funnel for President

saltygator@saferoomgatorclub.com — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 00:19:00 GMT

I think this news report says it all... After all his platform of Favorite "B"s sold me.

Was Sup Gator Bitches...

saltygator@saferoomgatorclub.com — Mon, 19 May 2008 02:20:00 GMT

So what do you do in the off-season? Is it Orange and Blue? Mine is! Nauti told me the other day, "Everthing doesn't have to be Orange and Blue." I disagree.. So Nauti, GatorTail, GHF, Surfin', Pimpin, Robbie and I tried out my latest project today....

Tebow is the Heisman

saltygator@saferoomgatorclub.com — Sun, 09 Dec 2007 23:08:51 GMT

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so here is the meat of my blog...

National Championship Ring, Heisman, Papa Urban keeos his promises.

But a few more words are in order... Let me first poo poo the folks that say Tebow has already done it all. Nope, there is much more and this kid knows it. Here is what Super Tebow is thinking and the rest of the Gator Nation should be thinking about...

Three National Championship Rings
Three Heisman Trophies
Kicking Auburn's Ass so bad they can't remember they ever won a game.

FSU Alumni of the Month for November

saltygator@saferoomgatorclub.com — Sat, 08 Dec 2007 03:41:35 GMT

Here at the Gator Safe Room we are all about giving to the less fortunate, and sometimes that just involves paying for entertainment. We are not above paying for good entertainment and this month, we salute FSU Alum who have made it big in the entertainment biz. One thing that continues to puzzle us though; Why is it a Seminole almost always ends up naked for money? Do they have a class at FSU titled: WHR 101 "Taking your clothes of for Money" or is it just something they learn from each other? It's an interesting phenomenon and one I plan continued research into. So here are the findings of the research so far.

It doesn't matter how successful an FSU alum becomes they will eventually take their clothes off for money. Some will do it to start their career, and others will do it at the end of their carreer, but they almost all, eventually get naked for money. Thankfully, some never find a commercial outlet for this endeavor, and I will not be searching the web for the likes of Richard Simmons, or Lee Corso in the buff. However I do have a couple of examples to prove my point. Burt Reynolds played half-back for the Seminole football team and by most accounts was a fairly good football player. But in the first game of his second season, some torn cartilage in his knee ended his promising football career. He turned to drama instead and went on to become a very successful actor (Hell, that's a natural progression if you ask me, drama is the secret to FSU football). But even after making several major movies, he fell back on the education he had his freshman year in WHR 101, and...

If that's not proof enough, just Google Cosmopolitan + Burt Reynolds.

Another very successful sport star from FSU was Gabby Reece. Gabby arrived at FSU on a volleyball scholarship. She was a volleyball star at FSU and went on to win the first ever Beach Volleyball World Championships in the pros. The Florida State star turned pro, and 1997 was Reece's fifth season as a team captain in the 4-person Women's Beach Volleyball League (WBVL), and her fourth captaining Team Nike, which shared League Co-Championship. For four consecutive years, Reece was the WBVL kills leader from 1993-1996. She was named the Offensive Player of the Year in 1994-95, and the League blocks leader in 1993. She also competed domestically in the 1999-2000 Olympic Challenge Series, the 1999-2000 FIVB Beach Volleyball World Tour, and other competitions. Meanwhile she had a modeling career on the side. Reece appeared on the covers of several magazines including Shape, Women's Sports & Fitness, Outside, ELLE, and Life, Travel & Leisure Golf, Women's Sports & Fitness, Vogue, People and many others. But, that damn freshman class reared it's ugly head again and ....

Much easier on the eyes than Burt, to bad the site is rated PG17, this could have been a great blog.

Now your thinking that's just a coincidence, not the effects of higher learning. Really?, what if not only did they teach this shit, but they also had an Alum Social Network. Yeap, in 2004, Burt and Gabby put their collective talents together and made a movie about their lives. Cloud Nine is a movie about a washed out former star in need of money that has a get rich plan...start a volleyball team whose players consist of group of beautiful athletic strippers....

Burt might look like shit, but Gabby is still lookin goooood!

And just in case you think getting naked is an old FSU tradition, Jenn Sterger decided to to hell with waiting, she was going to put her education to work while she was still in school. She' s already taken her clothes off for Hef and all over the internet. But, she continues to support her Alma Mater, and that's a good use of your education.

Yep, that's Miss Sterger on the right, thanks Mr. 2cents for the pic.

So Gator fans remember, while it's fun to laugh at the Seminoles on the football field, they are still getting into your wallet. While i hate the football team, I can still enjoy their entertainment value. Hell, I even watch a few minutes of the Bobby Bowden Show on Sunday for few laughs. It' s especially funny when he has ol' Burt as a guest. Maybe someday he'll have Jenn on. Go Gators!

Chase Daniel Eats Boogers...

saltygator@saferoomgatorclub.com — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 02:41:28 GMT

Really, he does! Here's proof...www.youtube.com/watch

Cast your Vote for Tebow

saltygator@saferoomgatorclub.com — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 22:22:31 GMT

Click the link below to vote. It takes two seconds and the winner receives an actual vote towards the Heisman! You can vote once a day until the end of the contest. We're getting dominated by the Missouri fans for Chase Daniel!

Let's go Gators! Pass this along to your Gator friends...

https://r.espn.go.com/espn/contests/theheismanvote/vote

GSR Mind Freak

saltygator@saferoomgatorclub.com — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 22:48:52 GMT

Here at the Gator Safe Room we have nothing better to do than surf the web for cool and interesting shit. Well, I found a website describing a device that could be bulilt from parts easily acquired at Radio Shack. This device is designed to be attached to your cell phone, and will download the deepest, darkest thoughts of anybody you call. Well, with more than a little skepticism, I sprung for the $13.00 in parts, built it, and hooked it up to my cell and made a few calls. First up was Geno Hayes, wasn't hard to find his cell phone number, just stop at any rest area on I -10. Here is picture downloaded right after he answered....

Should've got prone Geno, that's looks like it's gonna hurt!

Next on the hit list, Chief Osceola. This guy has been the center of unspeackable controversy, but he aparently has his own agenda...

Yeah, and Now with Texas Hold 'Um!

Finally, we tried our final number on the list. It took several hundred attempts to get an answer and when he finally answered, he shouted, "Where the Hell is my Ice Cream?". I don't know what the fuck all that was about, but after about 10 minutes of discussing the virtues of homemade ice cream vs. delivery we finally got a picture and hung up (slow server I guess)....

"I like that Hotdog Place in Micanopy too, their waitresses are real nice."

Pretty cool technology if you ask me. Somebody should send this one to Popular Science. Go Gators!

Beating Up Handicapped Kids (Weekend Observations and Hey, Let's Get the Hate On for FSU)

saltygator@saferoomgatorclub.com — Sun, 18 Nov 2007 23:26:12 GMT

Well, first let me say it has been a hell of a weekend. And during this season, I define weekend as Thursday after work until Monday morning. I wonder how much productivity ESPN has cost American Business by broadcasting good (not great) college football on Thursday Nights. Well anyway, let me me recap the fun. Thursday Night I had some former friends over for Oregon / Arizona game and while I was in the bathroom they conspired to have some fun! Well, I left myself logged into the GSR and one of them used my login to denounce my loyalty to the Gators in the ShoutBox. Of course GHF picked this up first thing Friday and ran with it in his Blog. So let's have some fun going back the other way. The co-conspritors in "ShoutBox Gate" are Pac10fan, BarryUGator, and WestVirgizzo. Let me tell you a little about these clowns: Pac10fan is really an Oregon State Beaver fan, however he has been an avid athletic supporter of the Ducks this year. Any team close to home, I guess? And BarryUGator, his Alma Mater is Barry University. Get a football team, and then talk smack. And last, but not least, there is WestVirgizzo, who I am 99% sure is the head of this little band. He never attended the University of West Virginia, but he did graduate from FAU with both an undergrad and a graduate degree. And now, I think we know the true motive behind this warrantless attack. GHF, you get a pass this time ( i could have rung your ass up too). Friday Afternoon, Nauti, Gatortail, GHF, SurfinGator, gatorboy, pimpingator, MilfGator, the rest of the gang and I made the trip to the holy land for the game. Stuck in traffic, we saw this:

So that's what they do with a FAU Masters in Engineering, huh?

At the game I was further exposed to more FAU prowness. Because I had only managed to score tics in the visitor section, I was surrounded by the FAU's brightest and most dedicated fans. And of course I was seated next to the family of a 2nd string lineman. I listened to the whole friggin' family story about how great he was, and even commented after FAU stop how thier defense looked better than South Carolina's. Well, after the end the second quarter, the civilty stopped. The high-school aged brother of the second string lineman started trying to stoke Ol' Salty up, "Tebow ain't shit, look we can take him out anytime we want." And of course, the referee's were cheating on every call against FAU, and the Gators were cheating everytime we got flagged. But my favorite was in the the third qurater, the patriarch of this little clan said, "Look at this, we have our second and third string in and Tebow is still in the game. Those croocked bastards are just trying to cover the spread for somebody." Hum, I just wanted to turn to him and say, "That's probably because Tebow's not too tired to play, round here they like to play four quarters of football." But I didn't, some may call me chicken, others may realize I just didn't want to have explain football to an upset asshole with no clear understanding of reality. I did see one, apparently very Wise looking FAU fan:

Everytime I looked over there, he seemed to be watching me.

Well, we all know how the weekend turned out. Thanks Tebow for stumbling through all 59 points and saving me from having to kill somebody in the Swamp. Sorry I didn't get the kids email address for you, but he did seem to have a lot of ideas on how you could improve your game. As for Virgizzo, his Owls may have sucked, but his Volunteers managed to hang-on even if Pat White had the dropsies.

One more thing before I officially declare GSR Hates FSU Week, I did run into the Caiman at the game, and I did give him my cups.

It's OK dude, you can have the cups, even the ones with the holigram.

Florida'sSuckiestUniversity, let the hate begin.

Deep South's Oldest Rivalry - Live Blog Edition

saltygator@saferoomgatorclub.com — Sun, 11 Nov 2007 00:08:42 GMT

3:30 PM - GHF - Thank God we can stop watching an inept Arkansas passing offense. Without McFadden, Arkansas would be looking up at Ole Miss in the league standings. Bring on AU/UGA!

3:33 PM - GHF - Shit, when its a 21 point game with 2 minutes left, turn the game over to the featured CBS game already. I can only take so much of Lincoln Financial before I feel like I need to make a doctor's appt. to have my damn eyes checked.

3:45 PM - GHF - 3-0 already, thanks dipshits at CBS. Blackout? Oooooh, Mark Richt is so Eeeeevil. I didn't see it, but I heard he had the band perform at mid-field after Georgia scored first. Gotta pump that team up! (Can't tell I'm still bitter, can you?)

3:48 PM - GHF - "First time at the opera boys?" - yeah, we get it Budweiser, take cans. Or, just don't go to the opera when she asks. That would be my approach.

3:50 PM - GHF - Congrats to Sly Croom on becoming Bowl eligible. That's the second best thing you've ever done. ::cough::got zook fired::cough::

3:57 PM - GHF - Gator fans everywhere rooting for Cox now, rooting against Cocks later.

3:59 PM - GHF - 3-3, it's a Couto vs. Byrum game folks! Woooo! Kickers!

4:06 PM - GHF - 10-3, Kyle Jackson sneaks into Auburn lineup, gives up long bomb to some native indian tribe called Massaquoi.

4:08 PM - SurfinGator - Everytime they show UGA on tv, it looks like the most docile animal. I don't know which sleepy, lazy dog is worse Smokey or UGA. Don't Georgia fans feel inept when they see live Tigers, Buffalo, or Bulls on the field?

4:15 PM - GHF - MAJOR PROPS to Georgia's Brandon Southaland for even trying to get up after that monster hit. Surprised that was a catch though. But Verne gave his signature chuckle and says its so. All hail VERNE.

4:25 PM - GHF - Knowshon Moreno will fill the SEC runningback void left at the end of the year when McFadden leaves. This terrifies me as someone who bleeds orange and blue. Stafford however, is still a Talladega keg lifting ass-clown.

4:28 PM - Salty Gator - How do you suppose they named the young Mr. Moreno? Did Mom demand that they name him anything but Sean? Yeah, phonetics!

4:34 PM - GHF - Oh how I wish THIS Auburn defense showed up to the Swamp on 9/29. 17-3 Georgia. S...E...C...East...championship....slowly...slipping...awaaaaaaay.

4:40 PM - Satly Gator - Hey Gary Danielson, your modern day commentary on this modern day telecast is modern day awesome. MODERN DAY MODERN DAY MODERN DAY!

4:46 PM - Hurricane1 - Hey I'm rooting for the Cocks tonight. I root for Cocks everyday AND night! I'll be thinking about Cocks even as my beloved Canes play their last game in the Orange Bowl. Me and Cocks...BFF!

4:49 PM - GHF - Thank you Ben Tate! You just "EQUIPPED YOURSELF WITH FOUR WHEELS OF FURY" and ran over that cornerback like he was some gay pussy elf in WoW. We're back to having a game. 17-10.

5:09 PM - GHF - Hey, that's like 20 Sambos in the stands at Sanford stadium. Yessiree Mister, we sure did paint ahselves uh fo the Dawg game. I get that it's a blackout, but shit, those college students look like the Athens Actor's Troupe version of Uncle Tom's Cabin with G-E-O-R-G-I-A-D-A-W-G-S painted on their chest.

5:11 PM - GHF - Halftime, 17-10 Georgia. Richt doesn't like trouble on National TV, so THAT's why he keeps from smackin those bitchy cheerleaders on the sideline.

5:17 PM - GHF - Tim Brando. Ugh. That is all.

5:31 PM - GHF - BREAKING NEWS...Meyer wins bet with Spurrier...Pizza WAS NOT delivered...Cocks to play in dresses tonight. Won't be the first, nor last time a cock gets into a dress. Snicker, snicker.

5:37 PM - GHF - HELL YEAH, Stafford throws pick to Powers. Good start to half for AU Defense. Already in field goal position.

5:40 PM - GHF - Roughing the passer on UGA. Georgia's defense plays rough with ~~Cocks~~ Cox.

5:41 PM - GHF - AUBURN TD! 17-17. Tuberville's ears perk up out of excitement.

5:57 PM - GHF - Wes Byrum puts the War Eagle up for the first time, 20-17. Tracy Wolfson wants your junk now kicker boy.

5:59 PM - GHF - Everytime Budweiser encourages me to be responsible, I'm inspired to live better and make sure to never drive drunk. Generally, this entails getting so drunk I can't find my keys. No keys, no drivey! Safety first Gator Fans!

6:05 PM - GHF - Moreno tells Auburn that Alabama is a shitty state and Bo Jackson sucks. 24-20 UGA. The Gator Safe Room MILFGator remarks baby's momma says "I don't know who the father is, but I Know Shaun"

6:12 PM - GHF - Cox goes limp under pressure, throws untimely pick. Fuck. Let's hope the Auburn D plays more suffocating than the Black Hole of Calcutta.

6:15 PM - GHF - That's a no on the suffocating defense.

6:20 PM - GHF - Moreno. Again. TD. 31-20. These Red and Black sonuvabitches think they've got the second coming of Herschel. I'm not convinced they're wrong. Auburn needs a big drive here or this game is fin.

6:26 PM - GHF - Gary and Verne do Soulja Boy...Rap immediately ceases to exist.

6:30 PM - Salty Gator - RON ZOOK'S DEBT IS FINALLY PAID. Illinois 28 - the Ohio State University Posers 21. At least 1 Juice is having a good week this week.

6:31 PM - GHF - Notre Dame loses to Air Force...won't win the Commander in Chief's trophy for ump-teenth consecutive year.

6:36 PM - GHF - Southaland plows in for the 2 yard score. 38-20. Getting ugly. Don't expect to hear from me much more, time to get geared up booze wise for playing at Bryce Williams. Thank God that guy Lattimer isn't playing there anymore. OIL CHANGE!

6:39 PM - GHF - Thomas Brown and Knowshon Moreno play "hands tied behind the back necksies" on the sideline. America = Creeped out.

6:41 PM - GHF - Cox has multipule interceptasms. Ladies everywhere unimpressed. They can throw multiple interceptasms any damn time they please with their close friend Rabbit vibrato 2000. Or Tebow. If they're that lucky. But then again, I guess that would be a rushing touchdasm.

6:50 PM - GHF - What's the FSU-VaTech score, this shit is terrible. Oh, 28-21 VaTech scores and converts 2 pointer. Haha, always take pleasure in watching SOW be suxorz.

6:53 PM - Hurricane1 - Kyle Wright throws interception prior to kickoff. First time in NCAA history.

6:54 PM - GHF - KILL YOURSELF Hurricane1!

6:58 PM - GHF - That convenient little ESPN ticker on ABC has told me Georgia scored again. 45-20. Pains me to say it, but UGA is playing the best football in the east right now. Too bad a healthy Tebow didn't show up to the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. RANDOM FACT - Outdoor Cocktails taste best.

7:00 PM - GHF - My contract's up for tonight, thanks for tuning in Mouseketeers! Obviously Georgia is going to win this one. C U 2 Morrow for a review of the day. GO GATORS!!!!!!!!!